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OUR YOUTH MEMBERS
Sean keeps a palpable presence at Friends. When he walks in the door, wearing a crisp collared shirt and nice pants, he immediately greets everyone he sees at the office. He walks tall, his head held high and a genuine smile on his face. He attributes much of his demeanor to his time at Friends.
Earlier on, he spent most days-from 8:30 a.m. to 3 a.m.-playing basketball with a stash of marijuana to sell nearby. He talks about how tempting it was to sell drugs instead of go to school.
"Every day was fun. No one told you what to do. When you looked at the phone, you knew money was calling." Even today, he reflects that it was a happy time on the surface.
When he arrived at Friends, brought by Jeremy who had been attending for some time, Sean didn't like it at first. He was uncomfortable and nervous in the new environment, and ill-adjusted to the strictures of a regular schedule. Over time, he got to know the people and appreciated what he was learning. He has changed his gait, improved his speech, gained helpful knowledge and skills, and erased the n-word from his vocabulary. "Every teacher, every staff member here takes their own part."
When asked what his life would be like now without Friends, his face lights up with a mixture of amazement and horror. "Whoo! Oh man, I'd have been destroyed. Jail is the only thing; that or dead."
"You can't go back. You can only go forward." Sean now hopes to work as a technician and to be "somebody a kid can look up to." He feels well prepared to take his upcoming GED. In the meantime, he still enjoys playing basketball every Friday with Friends.
Shiasia was hesitant at first about coming to Friends. "I thought it would be just another GED school, but they proved me wrong." The staff did of course help her with the GED-after failing one section in April, she studied harder with Dr. Yarbrough and passed in July-but there was so much more. Friends has played the role of support network, advising center, and even an opportunity to give back to the community.
When her mother moved with her sisters to Connecticut in search of a better neighborhood and more positive influences, Shiasia's criminal justice involvement prevented her from following. While her mother provides encouragement from afar, her involvement with Friends offers a daily incentive to get out of bed and do something positive. Shiasia was so consistent with her progress that when the receptionist position opened up, Executive Director Chris Pahigian suggested she take the work part-time.
That work ended in January 2010, when Shiasia began college classes. Since watching Law & Order at an early age, she has dreamed of working in the criminal justice field. When she was unable to attend John Jay because she had a GED instead of a high school diploma, staff members spoke with school officials and learned that she could transfer in after earning enough credits at a community college. "Sister Liza told me not to let the GED limit me. I'm just going to see how far I can go."
She has already gone far with Friends' Youth Leadership program. She and other teens have made several trips to Albany to advocate for criminal justice reform and greater help reducing recidivism. They regularly visit middle and high schools in the area to share their own stories and to encourage students to stay out of trouble and continue their education. One school in Queens even asked them to help set up an after-school program, but the limited funds of Friends were already stretched thin.
Shiasia intends to continue her involvement, soon as a Senior Youth Leader. "Growing up in Harlem, I always felt like no one would do anything for me. Now I want to help [Friends] in return."
Jeremy started at Friends in conjunction with his probation. He had been arrested several times for hustling, a skill he had learned from others in his neighborhood. While in jail, he missed out on a lot of things, including his little sister's birthday. He decided that he wanted to break the cycle of arrest, release, and recidivism.
At Friends, he felt more comfortable than at school. "Here, they make you want to come back. They help me see myself doing something positive." Dwight fostered his interest in rap and invited him to an open mic night in Brooklyn. Over time, this evolved into poetry, and Jeremy made it to the semi-finals of a poetry slam and has just been asked to perform again at an event in Yonkers.
Jeremy's probation officer said that he could no longer live with his mother, because she didn't believe he was really changing his life. He grew depressed that he was separated from his family, and spent about three months shutting himself off from the world-including his probation officer. He returned to Friends, where the staff is working to assuage this violation of probation so that he can stay out of jail and continue his progress with the program.
The connections with staff and other students have been integral to his success. "It's a place to come to, talk about how I feel, and get support. It's nice to have someone to listen." He still sees people hustling around his neighborhood, and he wishes he could help them to change. He succeeded in bringing Sean along to friends, and it's been helpful for them to support each other. "Now we compete on getting our work done."
It still isn't easy. Sometimes he feels himself starting to slip back, but he remembers the promise he made to himself and to others as a Youth Leader. "I know I can't mess this up, for me or for them." He hopes to go to college and become a teacher.
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